One Big Happy Family
by Bluenet13
Summary: Team continuation to the amazing "Mother" (11x10): Members of the OSP family reflect on the day's events before they naturally all gravitate towards each other. *Obvious spoilers to the episode*
1. Chapter 1

_Oh well, this accidentally got rather long, but I had a lot of feelings after "Mother" and writing is the only way I know how to work through them. I thought a lot whether I wanted to post it in a single chapter or divide it, so I decided to do both. I wrote it as one piece, so I'm posting both chapters at the same time and giving you the chance to read it as you prefer. I hadn't been this excited after an ep in a long time, and now I want ECO and Babar to write the rest of the season lol. I wish all writers got the show and characters like they did. Anyhow, this is just my continuation to what's now one of my all-time favorite episodes. _

* * *

G Callen had just told Hetty he liked to visit crime scenes a few days after everything had happened, but this time, he needed to be here now. It had been about five hours since Callen had walked out of OSP and into the chill of the night, he had then tried to go home and get some sleep, but as it happened most nights when his mind was restless, it had eluded him, leaving the tired agent tossing and turning as he couldn't stop thinking. Insomnia was not a new thing for him, but still it never failed to disrupt his life when sleep was the thing he needed most. Being awake makes you think, and Callen wanted nothing less.

So now he stood in front of the charred building, steam still oozing from the chattered walls, a police tape sealing the exit, while a message from the LPFD signaled to please stay away because the structure hadn't been tested yet so it could be unstable. Ignoring the sign, Callen took a tentative step inside, taking in the debris that clattered the floor. A faint line, barely visible in between the ash instantly grabbed his attention. It showed a passage that went from a room at the end of the building to the door through which he had just entered.

Callen already knew the story, of how Kensi had discovered the map and then the picture hidden underneath, of how too late she had realized that they were targets too, of how Deeks had discovered the message and then been entrapped in a room destined to give whoever was inside a direct passage to hell. He had been next to Sam while he tried to guide their younger teams while they waited for the bomb squad. Then they had been told about their escape, Kensi's quick thinking and Deeks almost surfing on a door as he tried to escape not a wave, but fire. He knew it all. But seeing it in person was a much different experience.

Releasing a shaky breath, Callen felt his heart rate rise, a not so frequent occurrence for the usually poised agent. _It could have all ended here tonight_, he thought sadly. And not just Kensi's and Deeks' future, but life as they knew it for all of them. Callen already suspected that Nell and Eric were nearing their breaking points and he was sure they would never survive anything happening to the remaining members of the team. Sam was as strong as anyone he knew, but the death of his wife had taken a toll on the ex-Seal and Callen wondered, not for the first time, how could Sam still do the job. How could he walk and live in the same streets that he had shared with Michelle. Full knowing that if anything like that had happened to him, he would have gotten the hell out of Los Angeles as soon as he could. But Sam was different, he had been built on a devotion towards his country, and a need to protect it. His instinct was to fight, to be knocked down and get back up again, just to fight another day. When everybody ran, Sam was the one most likely to stay.

Sam's love for America has then evolved into a love for his family, blood one and otherwise, and he had continued to do the job for just that. From all the operatives he had known in his life, Sam was the one he could never imagine quitting this job, or a variation of it. Because the sole foundation of his being rested on a sense of duty that he couldn't ignore, it was the reason why Aiden was now in military school, and why Kam would probably follow in those steps too. It was who the Hanna were at their cores, and they prided themselves on that fact. Still, Callen knew Sam like his own brother, and he was certain that Kensi or Deeks, or both, of their deaths would have made Sam question everything he believed in like he hadn't done before. When Michelle had died, Sam had been able to find comfort on his NCIS family, and having them taken away too, could have been what finally drew him away from law enforcement altogether.

Michelle's death had been tragic and unfair, but Sam and Michelle had enjoyed a fantastic life together, and they had two amazing children that would forever remain a bridge between them and the biggest accomplishment of both of their lives. But Kensi and Deeks were just beginning their journey. They had only been married for a few months and they deserved to find their happily-ever-after. They deserved to have a family, one that would remain in this world, and keep their memories alive, even if one of them was suddenly blown up in a room just a few hours after they had all been happily playing basketball in the gym. They deserved more than this life was giving them. They all did.

That final thought making Callen think back to Anna and Joelle, and his own history with love and lost. Life hadn't been kind to him, he was certain of that, but Hetty had tried to save him from a lifetime of darkness, set upon him by his gloomy past. Just as she had tried to do with Akhos. But their stories had ended up in much different ways – while Akhos had been taken away by men that used his own predisposition for violence to turn him into a killing machine, Callen had found a team, then a brother, and ultimately, a whole family. Hetty had tried to save both men from their own darkness but circumstance had made their journeys end up in much different sides. One's heart had been turned black by the acts of violence he had committed, while the other had managed to retain a moral compass that kept his heart as white as it could be when you still took lives on a daily basis. Life was not always fair, and now Callen clearly saw, that it had been especially unfair to Akhos Laos. A man that could have been him in every sense of the word.

Knowing what killing Akhos would do to Hetty, Callen made a mental note to check up on her first thing tomorrow. Today she had been presented a choice, and she had decided to save his life at the expense of a man that could very well be considered her other son. _How many of us are there?_ The question again echoing on Callen's mind as he wondered if maybe he was the last one standing. Could he truly be the last of his kind? The last hero of Hetty's personal arsenal? Was he ever especial or just another recruit? Either way, it was on him now to make sure Hetty was okay. He didn't know how the rest of their team personally felt about her. At one point, they had all been blindly loyal to her, but considering everything that had happened in the last 11 years, he wasn't sure now. But Callen honestly still believed that Hetty had never failed any of them, at least not intentionally. She was just human. And a big quality of humans is that they are all beautifully imperfect, Hetty and the team included.

Deciding that it was more than enough of feelings and introspections for one night, Callen carefully walked outside the building. The sight of the near catastrophe enough from a distance, the agent not needing to see the room up close. So, taking out his cellphone, he placed a quick call as he walked towards his car.

-x-x-x-

"Are you okay?" Eric asked as he handed a freshly brewed cup of tea to Nell. They had arrived home about an hour ago and they were both deeply shaken by everything that had just happened.

"I don't know." Nell replied honestly, the events of the last two weeks, still too fresh on her mind, and combining now with all the anguish she had felt in the last months, since her mother had gotten sick.

The honesty of her words, making Eric instinctively reach to her, hugging her softly as he wished he had some way to take her pain away. He had asked that same question many times during the last weeks, but Nell's answer was usually a strong _I'm fine_. This being the first time that she openly admitted to maybe not being okay, shaking the tech as much as today had done.

"We can take a break, you know." Eric proposed. "Christmas is just around the corner, and everyone will understand if we decide to take a short vacation. We can go anywhere you want. Spend the holidays in snow, or sunny weather, in the US, or abroad. Anywhere where our lives are not in danger. Your pick." He finished hopefully.

"We can't, Eric. You know that." Nell replied, as she continued to sip on her tea.

"Why not? We both have vacation time." Eric tried to argue.

"If we're gone, who will protect them?" Nell said sadly, her eyes having taken the faraway look that was so common now.

Eric opened his mouth, but then closed it again. Nell's words hitting him like a ton of bricks, and the realization hard for both of them. "There's others tech specialists and analysts, Nell. They will also have the team's back." Eric didn't truly believe the words himself, because there were in fact more people capable of doing their jobs, but sincerely, no one was as good as them.

"Do you truly believe that?" Nell looked into his eyes for the first time, her attention having been previously occupied by the warm steam coming off the mug. "Would you be able to forgive yourself if anything happens to any of them and we weren't there to watch over them?"

Eric shook his head, having had that same thought a lot during the months he was working in San Francisco, but knowing that at the time, his place was there. "Then, what will you do? Stay on NCIS until all of them decide to retire or move onto safer positions?" Eric honestly wanting to know the answer to that question.

"I don't know." Nell answered sincerely. Because she truly had no answer to that question. Since her mother had been diagnosed, she had many times considered moving closer to her, but every time her love for the team and need to protect them had stopped her. Now she wondered if it was maybe better to take that leap now and try to distance herself from this people before they drag her down with them. She truly meant what she had said to Hetty when Eric had been kidnapped, she didn't wanna be her, and she feared that the longer she stayed on NCIS, the more like Hetty she would become. Because sometimes the only way to keep your sanity while you're around death constantly is to separate yourself from your real self, until just the job remains and you're able to continue breathing every time a case makes you question yours, and your team's own vulnerability. Because, as much as Eric liked to joke, neither of them was bulletproof, or bombproof, or any kind of proofed. She wasn't ready to die, or to see any of them die, so she silently wondered if it would be better to see that happen through a screen while she was on coms, or just learn about it thanks to a call while she was in San Francisco trying to pursue a new life.

Eric could practically see the wheels turning on Nell's head, and he knew she was deep in thought. Not wanting to interrupt whatever subject had occupied her mind, he decided to just provide some silent support for now. So, he intertwined their fingers together, and retracted into his own mind.

The events of the day had come too soon after San Francisco, and he knew they were wearing down on the whole team. But especially on him, as he had been the one right in the middle of everything that time. He had become a different person then, one that kept secrets from Nell and failed to contact her in two weeks, one that climbed down windows and fought men with guns in real life and not a videogame, one that had worked deep cover for the first real time, and one that sometimes couldn't recognize himself in the mirror. Eric had enjoyed being the hero for once, but he knew he would need to resign to many parts of himself if he ever decided to pursue the agent road. Eric had honestly considered it in the past, but now he knew his real place was in ops, and his purpose was to save the world in the best way he knew how. As an agent, he would just be one more of a bunch, but as a tech operator, there was only one Eric Beale.

"Come on, let's go." Eric pulled Nell along with him, as an idea popped on his mind.

"Where are we going?" Nell didn't think Eric would go against her wishes and force her into a vacation but still she asked.

"To visit Kensi and Deeks." He said simply. After Akhos had been killed, and Deeks and Kensi had managed to escape the warehouse, they had only briefly debriefed with Sam and Callen on the boatshed before everyone had gone their separate ways. So, they had only managed to see their teammates through a screen. And now he knew that being close to them and seeing first hand that they were truly okay is what Nell needed, what both of them needed to remind them why it all mattered. They would have to check on Hetty later, but he was sure, tonight, she would be nowhere to be found. Unreachable as she needed to grief alone for the _child_ that she had just lost.

"I don't think that's a good idea. They're probably busy tonight." Nell let her the insinuation of her words hang in the air.

"I'm sure they already did whatever t hey wanted to do." Part of Eric doubted his words, but he at least wanted to see if his hunch was correct. "And they're probably not even home."

"What do you mean?" Nell asked as she still moved to the room to get her shoes and a coat.

"I know Deeks." Eric said simply, as he turned off the lights and walked outside, hand in hand with Nell.

-x-x-x-

Adrenaline still cursed through his veins as Sam reached his boat. Opting for a beer instead of bed, he decided to sit outside. Looking at the starry night, he silently wondered which one of those stars was Michelle and he sent a silent prayer to the heavens above as he thanked her for keeping all of them save today. Just as he had gotten the habit of doing every time a case hit too close to home.

While Sam was sure his partner's mind was tonight on Hetty, his was on Deeks. He hadn't been joking when he told G that he was over his union quota but still he had very much preferred to be the one stuck in the room and not Deeks. From a rocky beginning, and his inability to see through to the real man behind the mask, Sam now truly believed in Deeks' abilities, and considered him a brother, but defusing a bomb required practice and he didn't want Deeks to take his first shot when the bomb could have really blown him to pieces.

Being on the phone with Kensi as the whole situation developed had almost been his undoing and he had felt helpless as the agent described the bomb and the twins shared the bomb squad estimated arrival time. Sam had wanted to run to them then and try directing Deeks into defusing the bomb and saving his life. But he couldn't have abandoned Callen, especially if he had found Hetty dead. The thought that that decision could have cost Deeks, and Kensi, or both, their lives making him shiver now, the sensation having nothing to do with the chill on the night.

Against his own desire, his mind then went to the past. Sam's trip down memory lane started on an MMA cage and a fight against a man he thought was a suspect. Then to being told that man was a police officer that would be working the case with them. Then to the anger he had felt, feeling that only increased when he had learned that he would be becoming a part of their team. Back then, Sam had only wanted to knock some sense into the detective that didn't belong on his team, for being too soft, for joking too much, for just being there. But then, he had been proven wrong in the cruelest of ways, and Deeks' screams while he had been tortured by Sidorov would always be stuck on a dark part of his mind. Torture usually only left a trail of blood, hurt and darkness behind it, but in his experience, it had also brought a new light to his life. Deeks had then become a brother and he had shared many great experiences with his teammate since then. Being a voice of reason or a just a good listener when Deeks had needed it, and joyfully having accepted him into his family and as the man worthy of Kensi, a woman that was as much a sister as he would ever have.

And today, all that could have ended while he was miles away, rushing to find a madman that wanted to kill Hetty. _Hetty_, his feelings about the woman were mixed, even when in the past he had been completely loyal to her. He would always be grateful because she had saved G and ultimately brought him to his life, but she had also made a lot of questionable decisions that had cost his team a lot of pain. So, he wondered how one can balance the good against the bad. And even more, if he even should, after all, he was no judge, just an executioner that seemingly killed bad guys every day. But who was he to judge Hetty when he had made his big share of mistakes in the past. A big one coming to the forefront of his mind as he thought back to Michelle and his own choices when it came to Jada and Tahir. Sam knew deep down that he wasn't at fault, Tahir had been the one to blame, but his decisions and involvement in that case, had been the trigger.

Thinking about Michelle made his mind circle back to Deeks. Because if it wasn't for him his history with his wife would have ended much sooner, and Aiden and Kam would have missed on years' worth of motherly love and advice. Sam now wondered if he had ever shared those thoughts with Deeks, and he promised himself he would have a real talk with his teammate soon. The agent was sure that the detective knew, but in life people never failed to share the bad things, just as he had done on that chess table when he objected to Deeks being the one to watch Michelle's back, but very rarely did people willingly opened up about the good things.

Thinking that there was no better time but the present, Sam finished his beer in a long swig before he got his car keys and walked back towards the street. The sound of his phone startling him as people rarely called him in the middle of the night, and he very much doubted there was another case already. He then frowned as Callen's face popped up on his screen.

"G? Is everything okay?" Sam rushed to ask. He had wanted to check on Callen after they had left the boatshed, but he knew his partner was one to analyze the repercussions of a case on his own and had wanted to give him space.

"Yes, big man. Calm down." Callen laughed at the concern evident in Sam's voice, but he couldn't fault him after the events of the last few weeks.

A long silence then stretched along the line until Sam couldn't take it anymore. "Anything you want to say, partner?"

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to have a beer?" Callen eventually asked.

Sam's plan would have to wait, but just as he had done during the day, he would never turn his back on Callen. He was sure Deeks and Kensi would be okay to be checked upon in the morning. "Okay, let me get some and I will meet you at your house. Or do you want to come to the boat?"

"Hmm, I was thinking we could go to Kensi's and Deeks' house." Callen shared doubtfully. He had sure change in the last 11 years.

Sam chuckled at the way his own thoughts mirrored his partner's. "I was about to head there myself, so I will pick you up and we can go."

Callen had wanted to ask why he had agreed to the beer if he had other plans, but he decided to cut his partner some slack and just be grateful for his loyalty. "I'm already in the car, I will pick you up instead."

"See you soon, partner." Sam then ended the call and moved back to his boat while he waited for Callen to arrive.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure you don't want to see a doctor?" Kensi asked for what felt like the hundredth time as she applied some more cream to the burn on Deeks' arm.

"I'm okay, baby." Deeks said sincerely. "And here I have the best doctor I could ask for." He then wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

"I'm not kidding, Deeks. This could get infected. And there's also the ones on your leg and side." When they had managed to escape the warehouse, all had been elation and love but after they had sobered up, they noticed the small wounds on Deeks' skin, his shirt and pants not able to protect him much against the inferno that had exploded behind him.

"Kens, I don't want to go to urgent care tonight. I don't want to be touched and prodded, I don't want to explain to anyone what happened. I don't want to answer any questions. I just want to be home with you, please." If Deeks was honest with himself, he was in a little bit of pain, the cream supposedly helping the wounds scar quickly but doing nothing against the sting. But he really didn't want to spend his night in a hospital. "I promise, if there is any sign of infection, tomorrow we can go."

"Okay." Kensi accepted easily. For now, she would do the best she could to take care of Deeks herself, also wanting, _needing_, to just be with him tonight.

After Kensi finished applying the cream and bandaging his arm, she moved to snuggle into Deeks' side and they remained in that same position for a long time. Both of them silently remembering the day's events and all the words or _confessions _that had been shared.

Kensi was grateful she hadn't been forced to decide between staying in the building or running for her life. Especially because a part of her told her, she would have chosen to stay. Preferring to die together with Deeks than face a lifetime without him. She also knew that would sound stupid to anyone, that life was precious and not something you gamble. But no one could understand what her life had been before Deeks, just anger and sadness that were only kept at bay by the job. But Deeks had given her the first real happiness since her father had died, and she couldn't imagine life without him.

For his part, Deeks' mind continued to think of what it would have felt to be blown to pieces. If he would have even felt anything at all. Or would he had just ceased to exist in a matter of milliseconds, his past erased and future extinguished before it ever had a change to begin. Never before had he ever felt so grateful for the wonder woman in his life, because, thanks to her quick thinking and ability to stay cool under pressure, he was still here, a little battered and bruised, but alive.

"Did you really mean it?" Deeks eventually asked.

"What?" Kensi knew what he was talking about, but she wanted him to voice it completely.

"Do you really want to live out our lives in a van? I wouldn't have thought you for the kind." Deeks said simply, a hand drawing circles on Kensi's back.

"Is that all you want to know?" Kensi's own hand running comfortably through Deeks' hair.

Drawing in a deep breath, Deeks steeled his nerves before finally asking the real question. "Did you really mean it when you said you want to have kids?" He then closed his eyes as he waited for an answer. "Or did you want to make me feel happy before I was blown up?" He tried lightening the question.

"Deeks." Kensi growled, knowing what he was trying to do, but not wanting to even entertain that possibility even in a joke. "I think so." She then answered sincerely.

Deeks didn't say anything else, so Kensi turned her face upwards to stare into his eyes. Silent tears strolled down his face, and Kensi's instantly came in too.

"I thought I was going to die. I really did." Deeks shared, voicing his fears for the first time. "I know I have faced death before, but not quite like this."

"I know." Kensi didn't know what else to say, because she felt exactly the same way. They had begun saying their goodbyes and she had honestly thought it was the end. "But you're here, I'm here, everyone is okay." She said for both their sakes.

"It hurt knowing that I would die without ever having a chance to be better than my father." Deeks continued to open up, a rarity for him when not pushed. "And I promise I'm not trying to force you or guilt you into anything. If you just want it to be us, then I will be happy that way. It wasn't just parting words when I said you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I meant it today and every day."

"Maybe three is not such a bad thing." Kensi played with the thought, wondering silently what their little girl or boy would look like.

"Or four or five." Deeks said, eyes sparkling.

"Slow down, baby." Kensi laughed at the way his angsty tears had so quickly turned hopeful. "Deeks party of three has a nice ring to it." She still wanted to talk more, especially about what he had said about waking up in the middle of the night, but she knew that was a talk for another day.

"Can we get started on that tonight?" Deeks asked mischievously.

"You're hurt, Deeks." Kensi said matter-of-factly.

"I know, but…" _I don't want you to change your mind_. The thought remained unsaid even as the words make Deeks' heart hurt.

Kensi instantly knew what he was thinking, always able to predict his thoughts even before he spoke them. "I won't change my mind, Deeks. I can't promise you that I will start trying tomorrow, or the day after, but I think I'm ready. I don't know if I'm ready to be a mother, or if I will be a good one, you know my example is not the greatest, but I'm ready to figure it out with you."

"I don't have the best example of a father either, Kens. But we're a team, we have always been a team. We figured out how to be partners, then how to be a couple, and how to be husband and wife, now we can figure out parenthood. A little ninja assassin got nothing on us." Deeks promised.

"Okay." Kensi said softly. "And for whatever is worth, you're already better than your father."

"And you're better than your mother." Deeks said for good measure, even as they both knew that Julia loved her daughter deeply and had always tried to do the best she could.

Agent and detective remained tangled up together on the couch for the next few minutes, their minds still silently holding onto this day, even as their hearts longed for the future.

"Do you want to go to the beach?" Deeks asked after a while of silence.

"I thought you wanted to stay home." Kensi said jokingly.

"Home is wherever you're, Fern." Deeks answered quickly.

"Then, it can also be the hospital, Shaggy." Kensi called back.

"Touché." Deeks acknowledged, proud of her quick comeback. "But tonight, I need the comfort of the ocean." He admitted, turning serious once again.

"Let's go, then." Kensi said as she got up from the couch and pulled Deeks behind her. Long ago, Deeks had opened up and shared his safe haven with her, and tonight, she hoped the beach would be what both of them needed.

-x-x-x-

Callen had already been on the way to Sam's boat when he called so he got there about 15 minutes later. Now the partners drove in silence towards their younger teammates' house.

"Are you okay?" Sam questioned when the silence had started to unnerve him.

"I don't know, Sam. But I do know, I don't want to take about it right now." Callen tried to be as honest as possible, hoping that would keep his partner at bay.

Sam nodded. Knowing that his partner needed to work some things out on his own and just appreciating that he had decided to reach out to him.

"Car's not here." They had reached their teammates house, and Callen quickly noticed that Deeks' red truck was not park on the driveway like it usually was.

Not wanting any stress or worry, Sam instantly took out his phone and called Kensi, exchanging a few words before he hung up. "They're on the beach. Less than 10 minutes from here." Sam shared as he pointed Callen towards the directions Kensi had explained.

Deciding to stop at a 24-hour gas station for some beers, Sam and Callen joined their teammates a few minutes later.

"Night." Callen greeted as he sat on the sand, waiting until his partner followed his lead. "For you." He then handed Kensi a bag of candy they had picked from the store.

"We tried to get donuts, but all stores were closed at this time, and the gas station ones didn't look too fresh." Sam added.

"Thank you." Kensi said eyes sparkling, as she quickly opened up a Kit-Kat and bit down on the delicious chocolate. Deeks for his part, decided on a beer, grabbing an IPA and taking a long swig, hoping it was a much harder liquor.

Before anyone had a chance to say anything, they noticed Eric and Nell exiting their car and walking towards them. A smile evident on Eric's face as soon as sighted Deeks' truck, knowing his hunch had been correct and Deeks was in fact at the beach. The tech deciding to keep secret that after tough cases he liked to track their teammates to know they were alright. And soon after Deeks had started working with them, he had figured out the beach was Deeks' go-to place after a long day; something that hadn't chance since he and Kensi had become a couple, now he only needed to track one less teammate.

"Was this supposed to be a party, and no one told me?" Deeks asked when their friends had joined them on the sand.

"Not really." Sam answered first. "I wanted to check on you, but I was coming alone, but then Callen called, and he wanted to come too." He explained.

"We didn't even know you were here. But Eric had a hunch." Nell said knowingly. "We also wanted to check on you guys."

"We are okay, guys. Thank you." Kensi said appreciatively.

"Are you?" Sam asked, looking pointedly at Deeks. Taking notice of the bandage on his arm and leg and guessing that was only what he could see.

"Stings a bit here and there, but yeah, I'm alive." Deeks said sincerely. "I had nurse Blye take care of the wounds, so you don't have to worry."

"We will always worry." Callen added. "I'm sorry we weren't there with you today."

"You stayed where you were needed, so you don't have anything to apologize for." Kensi began and Deeks finished the sentence. Both feeling the same thing with certainty.

"Did you get check out at the hospital?" Nell asked, knowing the boys believed they were indestructible.

"Not yet." Kensi was quick to answer, wanting to save her husband from another lecture. "We will go tomorrow, but I cleaned it all, put some clean and bandaged the burns." Kensi tried to reassure.

"I'm okay, really." Deeks wasn't really okay, but at least physically he was, and that was what they were discussing now. "But thank you. For using your car to get me out, for always been our eyes in the sky, and for guiding us through the phone and keeping Kensi calm." Deeks shared honestly, looking at each of his teammates as he thank them each personally. "And thank you all for saving Hetty. Just sorry I couldn't be a part of that."

"You where were you needed to be." Callen echoed their own words. "I'm glad you're okay, Deeks. I really am. And Hetty is too." He added that last part himself, Hetty not having addressed any of their teammates personally, but Callen knowing she was deeply sorry for the pain she had inadvertently caused them during the last 11 years.

"And I'm glad you didn't turn out like Akhos." Deeks decided to add what he was thinking. Having seen Callen's face in ops as Hetty shared the information and knowing the words might hurt Callen but still needing him to know that he was not the same.

Callen only nodded. Wanting to say that it was thanks to the team, that all of them had saved him from a life like Akhos' but knowing words would sure fail him.

For the next half hour, no one said anything serious. The team just talking about anything but the last weeks' events, while they enjoyed their beer and Kensi her candy.

It was a few minutes later that Nell decided to speak again. "Why do we still do all this?" She inquired, her mind still in anguish and desperately needing to find a reason for so much pain.

"For my kids." Sam was the first to answer.

"But is it worth it if you're not alive to enjoy the future with them?" Kensi asked sincerely. The words not meaning to bring Sam pain, just a reflection of her own doubts and insecurities.

"It is, if it guarantees them a future." Sam said without a hint of doubt in his voice. His sense of duty shining through as much as it always did.

"I do it because the only way to fight chaos is with life." Callen added, thinking of the words he had shared with Hetty. "We keep chaos balanced and we give others a life and peace that they wouldn't have otherwise." As much as Sam had tried to say that he had chosen this life, while it had been forced upon Callen, he knew it had still been his decision, and he would make it again any day. Hetty had just given him the means to an end he had also wanted.

They all nodded, as they each took in their team leader's words.

"I wanted to help other people like me." Eric spoke next. "I was never physically strong, but I was smart. The first time I hacked a computer was against a bully in school that was harassing some of my theater friends. Then I became really good at it and figured that fists were not the only way to help others. I could use my brain for that." Eric said proudly. "Then one day I hacked something I shouldn't have, and I think I accidentally ended up on Hetty's radar. Cause she recruited me a few months after that." He finished less proudly.

"Hetty recruited me as well." It was Nell's time now. "I always knew I was good at this, but I didn't exactly know what this was. Intelligence analysts is not the typical career they discuss in school job fairs or career tests. But one day I saw a brochure for a program in Operations Research and Analysis and decided to major in that. My family was less than pleased, but it all made sense to me. I was first in my class and was recruited by a few agencies, and Hetty must have heard too. Because one day she was waiting for me at my apartment with a folder in hand and a job offer. And that's how I ended up here." Nell decided to explain how she had decided for this line of work, not really knowing the why she still did it, other than the need to protect her teammates.

"You all know my dad was military, then he was killed, and I joined NCIS to find answers." Kensi finished as quickly as her explanation had begun.

"That's it?" Nell asked.

"There's not much to say." Kensi was trying to be honest, but she also didn't like thinking too much about that past. "Growing up, my dad was my hero. He taught me about camping when I was a kid, then as I became a teenager, he showed me how to shoot a snipper. I always wanted to be like him, but when he was killed, I just wanted to find out who did it. Once that was done, I figured other people like me needed help as well, and it just made sense. My dad helped abroad, but I preferred to help here where it is most needed for our people, and I was ecstatic to be recruited and worked under someone like Hetty. I still am." Kensi deep down knowing she still felt proud about that fact, even if Hetty's intentions had gotten a bit clouded along the way.

All eyes then turned to Deeks, and the detective shrugged, wincing as the action made his back hurt. But he quickly schooled his features even as the concerned looks on his teammates told him they had noticed.

"I wasn't NCIS. Hell, I'm not even NCIS now. So, I can't say I always wanted to save the world." Deeks began. "I just wanted to help people, that's why I became a lawyer, but than didn't work out, so I became a cop. That didn't work out exactly as I intended, but I found my calling doing undercover work. I first started wanting to help victims of domestic violence, but that desire evolved into just wanting to help everyone that couldn't help themselves." Deeks uncharacteristically opened up, hoping his teammates didn't pick up on his mention of domestic violence. If they had, they chose to ignore it, and Deeks was grateful for that. "But then as you all very well know, our paths crossed. I can't say I was recruited by Hetty, I just sorta fell on her lap." Deeks chuckled at the thought.

"She knew about you before we ever saw you in that gym." Callen interrupted. Remembering that day, a very long time ago.

"Did she?" Deeks asked with raised eyebrows.

"She did. She technically never admitted to it, but I know Hetty. She knew about us before any of us ever set foot in OSP." Callen confirmed. "I'm not sure if she knew you were undercover in that gym, but she knew about your career and talent, that's why she brought you along. So yeah, in a way you were recruited by Hetty too."

"And you're NCIS in every way that counts. Even if you never made the leap in paper and credential." Sam added, not having forgotten Deeks' opening line. Then as he had done many times in the last few years, he shared a long look with his younger teammate, one that said a lot more than their words could.

Deeks nodded gratefully and then continued. "With NCIS the work was different, but I was still helping. At first, I still thought about quitting and going back to LAPD, you all hated me after all. But with time, it just made sense to stay. And I needed to stay to win Kensalina's heart." He finished playfully.

They all laughed at that until Callen decided that another call back to the past was needed. "She was into you as soon as she saw that fluffy hair so I'm sure she was happy you stayed." The comment earning him a soft punch from Kensi.

Sam had wanted to say they didn't hate him, but he knew the words wouldn't be believable, much less coming from him. "I'm glad you stayed. The team wouldn't be the same without the six of us working together." He said instead.

"And I guess that answers your question, Nell." Deeks was the one to voice everyone's thought. "We all stay because there's job that still needs to be done, people that needs to be protected, a world to be saved, and the team wouldn't be able to do it properly without all of us together. I know you guys are the reason why I stayed and continue to."

Everyone nodded at that. Knowing that each of them had come to NCIS from a different background and for a different reason, and that Hetty had something to do with it in every case. But they had all decided to stay on their own choice. Because in NCIS they had found partners, friends and ultimately a family and none of them were willing to leave that, even if it meant some days, they ended up physically in pain or mentally in anguish. And tonight, was the clear indication of that, because instead of staying alone in each of their homes, they had all individually gravitated towards each other. Family just made it all worth it at the end of the day.

* * *

_It's been a while since I have enjoyed writing this much and I couldn't be happier to have found my way back to words. It was also interesting trying to get inside the minds of all members of the team, as I usually focus mostly on Deeks. Hope you all enjoyed this. Thank you for checking this out and hope to hear your thoughts._

_*Title of this story comes from the season nine finale. The line was spoken by Sam in a rather bittersweet way and I have always seen it as a reflection of the good and bad that comes with both family and the job*_


End file.
